Masculinity Defined

Today at FLI...

I learned that, to be considered a man, your static and unchanging role or uniquely masculine calling is to:

1. Provide
2. Protect
3. Lead
4. Love

Everything else is subjective.  Whether or not you play football, go hunting & fishing, boating or have a loud Harley, own a fancy car you spend a lot of time and love on, or if you cook, clean, take care of children, wash dishes, or mow the lawn - none of those things define either masculinity or femininity, even though culture or history might have you think they do.  Personality, family background, culture conditioning, peer influences, era trends and societal norms - all of these things vary with time and place, and none of them define you or chain you to a gender.

Now, granted, there are some characteristic normal distributions of certain traits along a continuum which have tended to be more masculine than feminine - like weightlifting, this is true - but it is no more true than saying because the average height of a man is greater than the average height of a woman therefore height must be a masculine trait.  Not so!  I'll even include a picture to demonstrate the ridiculousness of this fallacy (even though we make these gender assumptions all the time).  Height is a continuum upon which both men and women fall into a bi-modal (two hump) normal distribution like so:

 

Therefore, the only conclusion that can be had is: height is a human trait - and generally speaking, men are taller than women.  This conclusion does not negate the fact half of the male population is taller than 84% of all women - that's a fact from the US Dept of Health.  Still, this fact does not support the conclusion that, "since most men are taller than women, therefore tallness is a masculine trait,"  nor is it accurate to conclude that, "a tall individual could be defined as male sinply because of their height [or female if short for that matter]."  These are both very inncorrect assumptions generalities which serve to confuse the question "what defines a person's gender?"  Yet, as obvious as it is to see the fallacy in this argument, our society makes theses same kind of sweeping, gender-specific generalizations all the time - on the street they're called stereotypes.  And many a person has been confused about the nature of his or her gender simply based on what percentile a well-developed or highly-visible trait landed along the continuum.  Tisk, tisk!

And believe it or not - a few quick quantitative searches will show that this same continuum-distributive phenomenon is observed in almost every trait that either men or women can have.  There is always a distribution, often characterized by the bimodal shape.  It is essential to remember: these bimodal humps - or stereotypes - whatever you want to call them, do not define gender.  They simply define what traits are commonly found among a group - not what defines the group.

Yay for science debumking cultural myths and coming to aid us in our discussion of gender roles and gender definitions.  Isn't it sad that I resorted to terms like bimodal and normal distribution during a semester where I don't have to take any math classes?  A most undeniable certainty.

*hangs head in shame* ;-)

~AK

GLS Mantis #5

This week (week 7) marks the halfway point in the semester. We were challenged in Mantis this morning to think about how we are cultivating the soil of our minds to allow for good seed to take root. We all sat in silence for several minutes before class would start. I enjoy these times of solitude; I have two words: breathing room.


I had definitely let my QT slip for the past several weeks - but I made it a priority this past weekend to take charge and make it happen regardless - and the same goes with working out. And it's no secret - to be at our best, we need to be balanced and physically, mentally, and spiritually fit. I'll talk about emotional fitness in another article because I'm still piecing together my ideas on the subject.



We did take the Emotional IQ (or EQ as it is called) in Marriage and Family last week.  It was good.  Apparently my EQ is the same as my IQ, landing in the same exact percentile.  Gee... God? Now I can't claim ignorance anymore in awkward social situations... Ha.  These are the things I think about during quiet moments.



 Today, I was up early to knockout 2 and 1/2 miles of jogging AND still have a good QT before class.  It feels like a good day coming up.


~AK

I Swear, it's the Clothes...

Today at FLI...

I realized how much I despised myself. It's ugly, when you become acutely aware of your own shortcomings in a new and revealing way. Talk about SIGGIES out... I came home, looked in the mirror, and thought, I can't stand what I see. I can't stand the person I've become through the situations I've been put in here at Focus. It's ugly, It's unattractive - sin is coming out in ways I've never seen before or knew I had the capacity to commit. I don't know why, but I really don't like what I see right now.

But it wasn't just my sin that I was despising - it was more but I couldn't put my finger on it. After a few minutes I tried to figure out why I felt this way, and the first thing that came to mind was it's the clothes. It's the blasted dress code I'll bet! I can't stand how stuck up, prideful, arrogant, and fake I feel when I "dress to impress" like they want. It's so superficial - and yet I engage in it day after day. That's it! I do this fake thing - pretending to be something or someone I'm not every single day - and after 5 weeks of

I feel about as uptight as the guy on the right, rigid like the shirt, and the shoe...? No way Jose.

this nonsense it's getting to me. So I do what I always do when I have thoughts - I talk about them with whomever is around so I can solicit their feedback and their thoughts on the subject. The first person I asked was God, and after submitting my thoughts I went to see what my roommate thought.

Scottie - I love this guy - he tells it like it is. He told me point blank that the issue of pride I saw resurfacing in my life was an indicator that a pre-existing issue was just being brought out through the clothing, not coming from the clothing itself. Interesting. I still love him, but that isn't exactly what I expected him to say.

About a day or so later was the FLI Men's Retreat and I had the opportunity to - and privilege of - talking with Chris Kasper about some of these things. His words were understanding and affirming, assuring me that the challenges God was bringing me through were not too difficult to handle, and that I was not alone as he had dealt and sometimes still must deal with similar seclusive conclusions, albeit for different reasons.
Still, the feedback was great, but it didn't make me "feel" any better. At the risk of sounding unspritual and

This semester is going to leave stretch marks.

unmasculine, I have been told that I can be very in touch with my own feelings. Yet, I know feelings are often unreliable, so I try not to rely on them for making decisions - and so I did do the right thing anyway even though it didn't give me the comfort I longed for.

It's another one of those uncomfortable stretching moments. If there's one word that describes this semester, it's STRETCH! Matter of fact, in my usual fashion I coined a short phrase to help describe what I'm going through.  ~AK

He Who Falls On The Rock Will Be Broken...

Today at FLI...

I prayed something like.. "God I'm falling apart... I need your help.  put me back together... bring me back to our roots... something is wrong and i don't know what it is... but it smells pretty bad."

Thanks Dr. Tackett.  Thanks Katie.  Thanks Twila.  Thanks Scott.  Thanks Robert.  Thanks Carol.  I wouldn't be where I am today without you all.  Thanks for being there.

~AK

The Food at FLI: Blessing or Curse?

Today at FLI...

I realized that the food is really good here - between the family dinners, Koinonia dinners, lunch at the cafe, birthday baked goods in class, and glorious leftovers - there is no shortage of excellent, home cooked (or nearly home cooked) food.  And I have proof: I last weighed myself just before I left NY to drive cross country - and i was 194.  Today, a full 6 weeks into the semester, I weighed in at 205.  Drat.  That's a steady increase of about 2 lbs per week.  This is not going according to plan - I was supposed to LOSE weight by coming out here... oh well... but rest assured, if you're considering attendance at FLI, you have more important things to dedicate your energies toward.  Don't let the random meandering thought, "I wonder how the food is?" detract from your mission.  Trust me.  It's almost too good.

~AK

Stewing Over The Reading...

Today at FLI...

....I realized, hm... it's getting colder now... it's about time for stew!  Every Fall - usually just after thanksgiving - I make a huge pot of turkey stew with thanksgiving dinner remains and whatever else happens to be in the fridge.  This year, since I'll be away from home over turkey break, I was wondering what I was going to do to keep the tradition alive.  I need to get my stew fix I was thinking to myself one day last week.  Then it happened.  One of the small groups here decided to throw a Thanksgiving-themed Koinania dinner - and there would be turkey!  Score.  I made plans to have the turkey remains secured before they were even purchased - and as it turned out, there would be 2 or 3 small turkey remains given to me after the fact.  Perfect - the opportunity was here.  If I can finish my taxes by Friday, and make it back from the guys' campout alive and well on Saturday, then Sunday I can make stew. Sweet deal.

Only problem with making stew is... well... good stew takes about 2 days to make.  And, although you don't have to watch it constantly, it does require about 6 hours of prep time between basting and cleaning the turkey, sifting the bones, chopping the veggies, seasoning the broth - it was going to leave me out my weekend to catch up on reading.  Oh, yeah... there's new reading assignments, too.  Drats.  The thought left me stewing over how much reading they assign, and it made me think of school again.

How is it, that no matter where I go to school, or what I do in school, or what program I select or classes I take - I never have enough time to do the homework?  Learning is my #1 strength I just found out last week.  Why is school so difficult then? I know what being a learner is all about - and attending school is probably one of the least effective methods of learning out there!  I've just about had it. I've come to despise the very thought of being a student simply because it ushers in thoughts of constantly being behind the 8-ball with an overbearing amount of unfinished homework due right around the corner.  Always!  Never have I been able to get all my homework done - I don't know what made me think FLI would be any different.  The feeling of unfinished work is unbearable - it eats away at my stomach.  It feels like the same old, same old, and that's not why I came here.  I came here to change - to put the past behind me and turn over a new page in life where school doesn't stress me out to the max, and where my non-school obligations could be left 2000 miles away back home so I can just be.  

God, what are you doing through all this? Why the discontentment - it's starting to show.  People notice.  I don't want to leave here having let these clouds overshadow the relationships I'm building.  I need your power to breakout of this old way of life so I can be empty to receive what it is that you have for me here.  Please God - we're entering our 5th week.   We only have 8 or 9 weeks left!  I know you work everything out to the good of those who love you... seriously I do, but I'm having a hard time seeing it right now.  Allow me to see past what is right in front of me and look toward what you are accomplishing in each of our character through this semester.  Remind me to pray and intercede for my brothers and sisters here as they are challenged this fall.  I lay these and all the other apprehensions which are on my mind down so that I may take up your peace.

This is by no means easy - it's actually quite a stretch right now.  I have no idea what you're doing - but I know it smacks of growing pains and stretch marks.  Matter of fact, I still have stretch marks from the first week when I found out I wasn't allowed to wear my hat.  Nobody tells me I can't where my hat - nobody.  My hat goes with me everywhere.  That rule left a mark.  The fact that there are "rules" leaves several more.  

God - this is taking metric tons of faith... I don't know how much longer I can dress up and be fake every single day and put on a show... the pride intrinsic to these actions is slowly poisoning me - and I'm beginning to notice it.  It still smells bad.  I miss my time with you.  Why does this blasted homework have to cause so much angst and guilt?  Why can't I just spend time with you like we used to?  Why do I feel that my hand is forced to touch hot coals?  I can't say I know... but I know you.  And I know that you know what you're doing...

  Tonight, that's the only peace I have - trusting that he knows what he's doing.

~AK

Blog Created!

Today at FLI...
  

...I finally created my long-awaited FLI blog! And this is a test entry of sorts: which means I'm experimenting with TEXT SIZE, FONT, Text Color, and images... ooh, check this one out:

A homemade demotivational poster I made the first day at my practicum internship.  Yeah, my next one will be a "we get a lot of work done here" post. This is how we roll in the Strategy Department. It's gotta be humor or bust.