I was stretched to my ultimate tensile limit - or in common speech - my breaking point. Up to this point I had been trying to achieve what was both my goal for the semester (trying to win a bet against God) and his goals for me being at FLI this fall. Say what? yeah... so here's how the story went. In my charicteristic metaphorical, engineering sort-of-way, I'll compare a picture to what I mean. Ladies and gentlemen - consider, the charicteristic Tensile Stress-Strain Curve for composite material:
 |
| The Stress vs Strain curve for a material subject to test failure loads of tensile force. Source: Nanopedia. |
Right now I'm just before the red X of Ultimate Tensile Strength. The last 4 weeks have been the Plastic Region where things have been slipping further and further into disarray, and before that was the Elastic phase of the first two weeks. Pictures. I worth a thousand words for sure.
On the third day after we settled into our new apartments, God and I had a short conversation - about grades. It was after the end of our first official day of classes and after the 2-day Leadership Intensive; We had just gotten a personal introduction to what would be a curriculum based on the Truth Project by - that's right - by Dr. Del Buford Delmont Tackett the third himself! Anyway, my discussion with God went like this as I was planning out my reading and homework schedule in my head: You're going to try and get all A's this semester in each of your classes, aren't you? God said, interrupting my train of thought. Umm... yeah... and why should I not at least try to produce excellence in my studies? I sheepishly replied already knowing what was wrong with that question. Because it's not why you're here - you didn't come here to get good grades. You came here to balance priorities. So, balance priorities - and don't get A's.
Well, needless to say, I tried to ignore these words or act like I didn't hear them - but I think subconsciously I knew I was supposed to heed his comment. Therefore, the next 6 weeks would be a blur of mixed priorities - both mine and Gods - and until this week there was some semblence of hope that I could still have both while holding on for dear life. Maybe, just maybe, I could still "have it all" as it were, and survive. But not now. Not this week - it's week 7. Week 7 means midterms. It means presentations, project deadlines, and cumulative work assesment. Essentially, it's the checkpoint to make sure you're keeping up with the pack of work - and it comes with a bucketload more work. "OK God, I'm at my breaking point... I can't do this anymore. By sundown Wednesday this week I'm going to crack unless something happens. God, I've come to the end of me; help?"
Well, I'll let you know about any developments... but I have a feeling it's going to be a good dose of God saying, "I told you so" along with "I love you so" while reminding me that "you should rely on me, you know?"
~AK
